Then, Ruff had some good news. The family could visit the baby at the foster parents’ home, most likely that afternoon. Visits would have to be supervised by the foster parent, but everyone would be able to see the child.
The mother broke down at the news, crying now with some kind of emotion probably only she could understand. She realized she would at last see her son who was taken from her at the hospital.
If it’s safe for the child, Child Welfare Services and the Court usually encourage parents to frequently visit their kids in foster care. The visits help maintain or strengthening the familial bond and make reunification more likely.
Next, Ruff explained in detail the upcoming court hearing. His care in explaining details of the process and system throughout the visit conveyed a tacit empathy. Without saying so directly, he communicated his understanding of the family’s confusion, fear and vulnerability at suddenly being at the mercy of an unfamiliar, powerful system.
Before leaving the home, Ruff gave the family some sage advice.
“It’s very common with families in this situation to say, ‘It’s all her (the mother’s) fault,” Ruff said. “But it’s not about assigning blame. The family can really rally around or they can take sides.”
The two grandmothers and the parents told Ruff they would support each other and stay focused on what they need to do to get the baby back. They shook Tom’s hand and thanked him.
| You see it all the time where these parents really want their children back, but they just can’t stop using meth. |
| -Tom Ruff, child protective services worker |
To an outsider, this approximately 90 minute visit went extremely well. Ruff left with copious information about the family’s circumstances, they seem to have a gained preliminary understanding of what was happening to them and why. And through his words, actions and demeanor, Ruff established a good rapport with the family, which seemed amazing, considering the situation.
Later, Tom reflected on the case and his approach to his job. He said it’s important for him to try to establish a good working relationship with families. If families trust him, they may be more willing to accept domestic violence classes, addiction recovery programs, temporary placement of the baby with a family member…whatever it takes to build a safe home environment and get their child back.
Ruff said it was too early to tell what would happen. One of Child Welfare Services dedicated placement specialists would evaluate the grandfather’s home. Or maybe the baby would continue in foster care for awhile.
Driving away from the home, Ruff thought about what he knew and what he had yet to learn.
“The brother’s the wild card,” he noted. If further investigation showed this man was a safety threat to the child, in some way—perhaps he, too, would be a drug user—that would complicate the process of returning the child home.
Then, there was the mother. Contrite, cooperative and desperate to have her son back as she was, addiction is always a difficult, unpredictable evil, Ruff said.
“You see it all the time where these parents really want their children back, but they just can’t stop using meth,” he said.